thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
