we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
