She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
