look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
