your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
