I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this will be a night to untag.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
