Moan for me like Helen Keller
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
