guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
