The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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