need another drink. this is the easiest way
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
