I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Two words: blizzard sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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