He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
