so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
