I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dear god my vagina.
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