they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
