He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
