sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
