Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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