just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
