So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
