Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
