We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
