dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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