i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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