ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
