Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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