Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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