i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
