I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
