And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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