xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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