dude i'm inner monologue high
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
