I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
