Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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