You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
