remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Randomize
