2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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