I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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