Pappa wants mamma naked
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
