He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
