so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
