guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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