I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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