Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
