i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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