I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
