I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
