I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my shit smells like andre
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
