Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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