3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
