I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
