He kissed a someone with a penis
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
