Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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