She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
