and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Shitshow foam night was such a success
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
