And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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