i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
