I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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