Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
