Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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