So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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