does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
