so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
