i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
