Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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