Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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