the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
