Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize