Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
