my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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